Endings

It is Saturday, July 30th.  This morning was officially my last day to sleep in before I return to school on Monday.  Why is it that I get this sad feeling at the end of every summer?  Sometimes I sit and think about the things I wish I had done, like eat at our favorite breakfast place in Atlanta or take a day trip to the lake.  Then I sit and think some more, but now about how much work it is to be a teacher.  In case you don't know, it's a lot of work.

Don't get me wrong.  I love teaching.  I love seeing "my" kids every day.  I am excited to get big hugs from prior students and hear their first impressions of their new teachers.

All of those things are well and good, but I will miss summer. I will miss the sense of feeling relaxed and like I do not have to rush to accomplish my tasks.

But typing that last sentence, I had to stop and think.  Did I really feel that way this summer?  Did I ever truly feel relaxed?  Maybe a little bit, at my most delusional.  All summer, no- all year, there has been this dark cloud hanging over my head: grad school.  It is a hard feeling to describe.  Even when I'm out with family or watching a show on Netflix, there is still the looming thought of the latest paper or discussion post I need to write.  Right now I'm putting off writing a ridiculously long lesson plan that requires me to find nine different books on the same topic for three different reading levels.  No big.

I think that if other people were to read my previous post and this one, they would think I was a big complainer.  "Abby," they'd say, "you are lucky to be in grad school and learn more about your profession."  Why yes, I agree.  I am lucky.  But does it make sense that right now I don't feel lucky?  I feel like I am dragging my feet across the finish line.  I feel like a marathoner who ran out of gas and is literally hobbling towards the finish covered in blood, sweat, and tears.  Well, maybe not the blood, but definitely the other two.

Long story short, I will miss summer.  I will not miss grad school.  Twenty-two days and counting...feels like forever, but I will be done before I know it.